emotional rollercoaster.

so there's this guy. now this blog can go two ways. the favored way is, me talking about the awesome way he treats me and how much we're in love. or the least liked way, explaining how there's this guy and how he sends me on a roller coaster of emotions, everyday.

however this entry is going to obviously go the second, more unfortunate way. and of course, i will not be releasing any names or such but nicknames will be provided instead.

we'll call this guy edmund cullen. for palpable reasons. now i never paid mych attention to edmund because i could tell he didn't want to be noticed. when friends would talk about him i would sigh and grin. the few occasions i observed edmund, he never really gave anyone the time of day unless they were talking about art. other than this it was obvious to me that he could care less but oblivious to the other party involved who would ramble on aand quickly lose his interest.

me:it's easy to see or hear, it's mostly body language.
him: you mean you can tell?
him:most inconvenient. my skill at deception is not that good. I'll have to improve it.

well see it was things like this that for some odd reason made me smile. to know that i was correct in my observations. our friendship had began. i think it was mostly because he wanted to keep me as a friend so i wouldn't give him away. however those were not my intentions at all. and we had our first "falling out."

him:don't tell me, you were attempting to use some fisher price psychology on me, were you? that you'd change me? or hope to understand me? I doubt you'd be foolish enough to do that, asya.

me:I really don’t give a damn about understanding or changing you and please do excuse my language because I know a simple comment like that shouldn’t anger me so, but it has. But for you to think that. To think that I would change who you are! I am outraged and shockingly hurt.

him:talk to you later.

and this is drove me mad until the next time we talked. and it was then and there i realized that something inside of me yearned for his attention while everything else screamed to walk away. it was then and there the emotional rollercoaster started.

but see lately i got off those eggshells i was walking on around him. now we only talk about once a week instead of every night. because he sees i'm not a marionette. i'm not going to be one of those girls that drool over him. his existance is just a plus in my life. finally the feeling is mutual. he accepts my feelings and thoughts about him more. he likes it this way and i like it this way. it's easier.